Day by Day: Tiffany's Day 3

Evaluating my commitments was easy; I didn't put anything important about "work" so I should just quit that, right? Ha! Seriously, though, a lot of my commitments and daily energies are spent on work, including extra curricular and voluntary positions. So, to commemorate this project, I said no to one of my old commitments and dropped my presence on an after-school committee. To complicate matters, the person in charge of the group confronted me directly and asked me to stay--especially because she's having trouble finding members. At first, that made me feel guilty and I nearly caved. Then it occurred to me: all of those other people said "no" and held firm, so why should I be the one to bend? My time is just as important as theirs. And there it was.

So now, on Day 3, how can I use that momentum to keep going? What can I do to build each goal into every day?

1. Cherishing my relationship with my partner

I'm going to start and end every day letting my spouse know how much I appreciate him, and spending time enjoying his company.

2. Being a good mother to my son(s)

Unless I have a prior commitment, I will be home within 15 minutes of my kiddo. Once I'm there, it's easy to love on him, play with him, and teach him the things he needs for a good life. And as for the little roo currently hopping around my belly? I'm working on de-stress techniques that can be done throughout the day to help give him a more hospitable hopping environment. Yoga poses, deep breathing exercises, positive framing, etc.

3. Improving my health (physical, mental, and emotional)

This one got thrown in my face yesterday (hence my lack of post). After working hard to start losing weight and taking care of my body, the last few months I've slid back into old habits. Unsurprisingly, I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes for the second time. This *forces* me to spend more time making good meals, tending to my health, and exercising. It's really a blessing in disguise, though it's a giant pain in the ass kind of blessing.

4. Improving my finances

The goal is to spend more time at home, including time for meal prep. and family time. These things naturally improve our finances. As for other things I can do to address item 4? How about home improvement projects, working on my doctorate, and continuing to honor all those dreaded school commitments that contribute to a steady paycheck?

Commit Me

So today's prompt is to evaluate your commitments and chuck what isn't in line with those core values you came up with on the first day. I'm guessing this one operates under the contemporary assumption that everyone puts too much into their day, into their kids' days, etc etc and we have no face-to-face time anymore. And, yeah, for some people that's true. In my case not so much.

Remember that whole "procrastination is a way of life" thing I said yesterday? Well, after reading today's task it became glaringly obvious that this statement is a bold fact.

I don't have any commitments to chuck in order to pave the way for those things important in my life. I don't really have many commitments at all, really. And any I do have are directly tied to my list.

Play groups so the boy gets to interact with peers.
Swim class so the children don't drown in the neighbors literal inground cesspool.
Meetings with various therapists so the boy can get into EI Preschool classes.
Doctor appointments of various kinds because everyone needs to be healthy.
Weekly dinners/activities with the inlaws to keep in touch with them.
Tri-weekly/monthly phone calls to my parents to keep in touch with them.
Attempted weekly/biweekly activities with friends for the same reason.
Daily email exchanges with my best friend to keep in touch with her.
Occasional business related meetings or deadlines.

It sounds like a lot but it isn't really. Not on a day-to-day basis.

Perhaps I have failure to launch syndrome?

I mean, there are other commitments - little, but imperitive things, that need to be done for the house to function. Laundry, cleaning, dishes, cooking, gardening, etc. But I don't carry them out very efficiently.

I definitely have a 'failure to commit' problem. Not relationship-wise, I think that is probably one area of my life, along with parenting, that I put the most effort into on a daily basis. But all of the other areas fall by the wayside.

Personal health, aside from scheduling and attending doctor visits, is at the outer edge of my radar. I need to actually schedule time for that.

Happiness, well that is in among those other things but I really should schedule some specific time for that too.

And marriage? We have only had one date since the birth of my son three years ago that did not fall on our anniversary. One. It was amazing, that one non-anniversary date. Rejuvenating in so many ways. It was also the first time I've allowed myself to relax and have a beer (or four) since getting pregnant four years ago. We need more of that. Definitely need to take up one of the many friends who have offered on watching the kids for us so we can do it again.

I guess today's thought has taught me that rather than pairing down my commitments..I need to get committed in the first place.

Christa, Day 2: Evaluating My Commitments

Today's item is a toughie for me, since I have a tendency to overbook and then work through a mountain of to-dos until I finally feel comfortable again, at which time I take that opportunity to overbook all over again. Work, personal projects, and projects around the house all count, which is why I do things like start applying flooring at 10 p.m. and freelance work in the office (shhhh.) and spend my lunch hours crossing items off my weekly agenda, just to pare things down. So when you ask me to do something like today's item, I don't even know where to begin.

Evaluate your commitments. Look at everything you’ve got going on in your life. Everything, from work to home to civic to kids’ activities to hobbies to side businesses to other projects. Think about which of these really gives you value, which ones you love doing. Which of these are in line with the 4-5 most important things you listed above? Drop those that aren’t in line with those things.

Someone in my life said just the other day that I like being busy, which is true and untrue at the same time. Too much on my plate stresses me out - I'm not one of those go-go-go types who thrives on the chaos of having too much to do. Tedd has said more than once that I invent work for myself, which is true, but the work I invent for myself is really just all the things I'd be doing if I didn't have to work for a living. I like avocations, not vocations. One of the happiest times in my life saw me living in Costa Rica with only the bare minimum of paid work. And while I did create a certain amount of structure for my day, to-do items including swimming twice a day, going to the beach, tidying up my little condo, reading, and composing long emails to family and friends.

Admittedly I do love the feeling of accomplishment, which is part of the nuttery that prompts me to add personal to-dos on top of professional to-dos. I am absolutely caught up in the loop of wanting to "have it all," a myth if there ever was one. 

I want to succeed professionally - since I have to work for a living, I may as well kick butt at it. I want to do all the things that my SAHM friends do, too, like trips to the beach and the zoo and making things and educating my child and so on. I want to exercise, every day, because I love exercise, and I want to veg and watch TV, too. I want to maintain blog upon blog and keep an active online profile and officially open my own business. I want to socialize with others, but spend time with my family. I want to figure out a way to stay home with the P. and have another baby on top of it all.

Ha, right? Like what else can I cram in there!

Which brings me back to yesterday's list: spend quality time with family, doing more of what makes me happy, making some money, enjoying life's pleasures, and finding a place of contentment. Of all my obligations and hobbies and other activities, the main ones that contribute to the list would probably be:

• Caring for my family, because if they're not healthy and happy, I stand a better chance of spending quality time with them.
• Things like mommy's wine night, making stuff (when I feel like it) and crafting, reading, drawing (which I hardly do anymore), and walking
• Working, which I hate to put on the list but I'm saving up, building a base to make the "second baby" thing realistically feasible and so work has to be one of the items
• But also getting away from work at least once each day and probably more so I can enjoy life instead of feel like I'm slogging through it

Those are the biggies and honestly, with everything I do, it's not like I've had a lot of time to take on extraneous projects.

But in the interest of really challenging myself with Day 2's item, my plan is to 1. clean up my sewing/crafting area, which currently looks like I'm in the middle of a project when I'm not. A state that gives me anxiety because it makes me feel like I have some unfulfilled to-do items hanging over my head. Hobbies should not feel like another responsibility hanging over my head. 2. Ditto for personal projects that have failed to progress. Those need to go on the back burner instead of sitting on my to-do list like shining beacon of failure. 3. Evaluate certain professional commitments that are currently on hold - I need to ask myself if money-wise/time-wise/involvement-wise those are worth continuing or whether it's time to say ciao.

The hope is that by divesting myself of certain commitments both internal and external, I'll have more time to focus on the commitments that are actually important to putting yesterday's five things at the top of my mental list every day. Wish me luck!

P.S. - Did you know there's a Google calendar for the 72 Ideas in 72 Days project, thanks to Julia? I'm pretty sure you can sync it to your gmail - though I haven't been able to figure out how yet.

P.P.S. - The Attorney At Large posted her Day 2 here, so go have a read!

Rebecca, Day 2: On Commitments

Day 2:

Evaluate your commitments. Look at everything you’ve got going on in your life. Everything, from work to home to civic to kids’ activities to hobbies to side businesses to other projects. Think about which of these really gives you value, which ones you love doing. Which of these are in line with the 4-5 most important things you listed above? Drop those that aren’t in line with those things

The next few days in this project become tricky for me. Back around 2006 or so, I started using the GTD system (which I love because it uses lists!) to figure out how to prioritize my commitments and tasks and focus on those priorities.

The upshot is that tasks like "evaluating my commitments" don't feel productive/useful at this point--so, evaluating this part of the 72-day challenge commitment, I'm going to skip out for a while. :) You'll hear from me again when we get to Day 7: Limit your communications, which is something I really need to work on. (Talk about a challenge.) Wish me luck!