Christa, Day 6: Learning to Say No? You Mean Even When It's Work?

Saying no... why is it so difficult for so many people? It's like we've all been taught to be "yes men" and to be rapid people pleasers because oh noes, if we don't do everything that's asked of us someone might not like us! Way too many people get way too overloaded because they either can't say no or - and this is more in line with my problem - they can't say no after the fact to commitments they've taken on. Neither of which is beneficial to pursuing a path of voluntary simplicity.

Today's 72 Ideas in 72 Days item is as follows:

Learn to say no. This is actually one of the key habits for those trying to simplify their lives. If you can’t say no, you will take on too much.

I've been thinking about this one since my daughter woke up this morning and came to no conclusions. In fact, I was so unsure as to whether this is an area where I need to change I had to ask my husband. And he answered thusly: "I don't know if you have trouble saying no, exactly, but I do know that you have trouble turning down work."

Well, yes. You may recall that money was number three on my Day 1 list of five priorities. Not because I'm a greedy son of a b, but rather because financial insecurity or feelings of insecurity related to our current financial state is one of my main stress triggers. In other words, if I'm worried about whether we have enough money to not only survive, but also weather any emergencies or unexpected expenses, I get depressed.

Consequently, when someone offers me freelance work, my first inclination is almost always to take it unless the pay is really terrible.

Luckily, as I mentioned in another post, my current tiny client base is extra awesome and acknowledges my talent and experience and also pays me. When they offer me more work, I gladly say yes and it's always worth the trouble. But every now and then I get an offer for work that falls somewhere across the line between worth it and absolutely unacceptable. And I usually take it out of the fear that nothing else is going to come along and we're all going to freeze to death come winter.

In this world, some people are like the grasshopper, taking life as it comes. I, on the other hand, am a perpetual ant.

Problem is, being a perpetual anything is usually incompatible with simple living, because sticking to one way of doing things eventually complicates things. Consider those people who are always saying yes as an object lesson. Taking on every responsibility offered adds complexity, even though it might seem like it's easier to just adopt a "yes man" persona in all situations. The same goes for me, the freelance equivalent of a "yes man".

Which isn't the worst thing to be. I've tackled some assignments that were irritation-inducing for clients who could be described the same way, but in the end I always got paid. BUT at the moment, I have something I haven't had for five years: regular income that's deposited into our bank account like clockwork. Along with a mortgage payment that's now $300 lower thanks to a quickie refi. And we're hoping to pay off the car soon, too (full disclosure: $4,771.46 left on the balance). Things are looking up even as they are looking down - working in an office contributes to my feelings of being financially secure/working in an office makes it impossible to grow my family the way I'd always planned to.

When I've taken on work I really didn't want in the past, I always did it because I felt like that was the path I'd have to take to have another child. Yet now there may be other paths opening up and I'm starting to get used to the idea that we may have more children or not (though I'm still always terribly jealous of anyone who announces a pregnancy because I am also a human being). I don't necessarily need to take on commitments that provide a little extra money and while taking up a lot of extra time. I would love to get a little freelance shop up and running - honestly, the only thing freelancing has that my "real" job doesn't have is the work-from-home option - but I also dread trying to businessify myself while also working almost full time.

For Day 6, I don't have an immediate action plan in mind. I'm still thinking about what to do with regard to certain professional commitments. Like I said, fear has kept me from saying no or not anymore for a long time. But things are looking up and I'm growing professionally. I don't necessarily need to be working my butt off days, nights, and weekends, too. And that, I think, is a big part of what voluntary simplicity is all about.